I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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