note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she peed on how many people?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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