the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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