If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
