There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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