You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
