Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
