we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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