you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
smell my finger.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
