My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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