Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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