I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
