I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
