It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
