i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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