I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
