I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
