haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
