So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
