I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
