I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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