im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
