I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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