dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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