Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
