How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
