Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
