My room smells like vodka and shame
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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