You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
