take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
