So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
