Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
