i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
