1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
