OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
