you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
