Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
