It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
