i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
