I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
