My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
