is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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