You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
