For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
