Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
