Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
