Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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