Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
