I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
