found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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