I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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