Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
