erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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