my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
