i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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