He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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