Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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