Welp...herpes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
