Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
