This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
