is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
