i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
