life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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