I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
