actually, I'm a sock model
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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